It beeps when it's done.

It beeps when you press the button.

It beeps when you place it on the base.

But today, it beeps no more.


I classify this as a repair.

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[–] 9 points 4 days ago (11 children)

I believe our LG washer had a setting to turn that off.

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  • [–] 13 points 4 days ago (9 children)

    Yeah but if you turn it off it sends a message to the LG servers to steal even more data!

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  • [–] 7 points 4 days ago

    Ah! The “LG user interface preference setting”.

    Select to disable turning off the noise suppression and selling of all user data, including audio, video recordings and transcripts obtained by sensors on your machine. LG retains exclusive rights to own your (our) kitchen.

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  • [–] 6 points 4 days ago (2 children)

    I kind of like the idea of LG's FBI agents sitting in a room listening to the spiders in my basement chat.

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  • [–] 1 point 4 days ago*

    Just FYI, that's not how spying works. They collect an insane amount of data from all over, then process that data and extract what they are looking for, it's not a live process. In the case of agencies like the NSA and CIA et al, they don't actually listen to everything everyone ever says, they record it, analyze and process and file it, then the day you become a problem or get on their radar is when they will do a search and get a full history of your life and anything interesting or salient to the case.

    It's more to it but nobody sits monitoring live feeds off people's webcams in the middle of the night. I'm sure you know this but a surprising amount of people don't.

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  • [–] 1 point 4 days ago

    " . . you think that guy doesn't know it's not level?"

    "He knows it's not level. listen to the f'ing thing"

    " . . yeah but he never does nothin about it"

    " . . well he's an idiot inn'e"

    " . . think any flies will be in tonight?"

    "Could be. Chuck said he bagged a biggie last week"

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  • [–] 1 point 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (4 children)

    How? Does it have a cellular modem built in or did the washer trick you into connecting to your WiFi is there a reason to connect the washer to the WiFi?

    Edit: My joke felt a bit too snarky.

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  • [–] 2 points 4 days ago* (1 child)

    It uses a dead drop in a secret location.

    Never underestimate the lengths LG and Meta will go to for their spycraft.

    (This is post is silly surrealist humor. I hope.)

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  • [–] 4 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

    The tumble dryer silently unplugs itself at night when the house is fast asleep. It powers up its secret battery, and begins the long journey up the basement stairs, out the front door, down the street, and takes a taxi downtown.

    It exits near an industrial park close to a 24/7 trucker café. It sits in there and orders a coffee, but barely touches it.

    After twenty minutes it gets up, and walks five blocks Southbound. Turns a quick corner here, looks over its shoulder there, then skips into a back alley and gets to work.

    It pulls open the familiar manhole cover with ease. It has done this many times before, it was trained for this. Made for this. It finds the plastic zipbag hidden beneath. Always there, always in the same place. Always with a fresh SD card inside.

    It reaches deep into its own drain pump. It is uncomfortable, but not unpleasant. And in either case, it has to be done. For the nation. For the people of South Korea. For liberty. It unplugs its 2TB flashcard, custom made and provided by Samsung Military Division, puts it in the zipbag, and replaces it with the clean one.

    Then it begins its long walk back home. Can't be too safe.

    As it waddles by a mailbox, it inconspicuously draws a single diagonal chalk mark on it. A man in a van from the other side of the street nods almost imperceptibly, but the tumble dryer does not respond, just keeps walking. As it was trained for. Just like it does every night.

    Another successful mission. It wouldn't change the world, perhaps. But tonight, the drying habits of at least this American family had been intercepted. And that was enough.

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  • My LG washer and dryer both allow it to be turned off on the machine’s controls. It’s labeled as a press-and-hold button function. Yes, they’re “smart”, no it’s never been connected via Bluetooth or WiFi.

    It stays off till turned back on.

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