I'm trying to actively do habits that will lead to personal growth. At the moment that's surgery rehab (exercise), study for employment and learning the bass guitar because it's a nice mid-life crisis. I find when I've put effort into these things each day the hate lifts, sometimes even goes away.

It's hard but I work towards my goals however much it feels like I'm walking through mud. I've lost enough time to self loathing, I grieve that lost time by being active now. All within reason, I don't want to turn positive habits into their own issue.