Meta seems to have gotten tired of facing an endless string of news articles and lawsuits about it's harms to children, and decided to cut to the chase.

If you pay any attention to the news, you're likely aware that Meta attempted to push children to use their platforms as much as possible despite knowing that use was harming their mental health.

Beyond that, Meta has also been shown to have directly planned to have their AI sex chat with children to increase their time spent on the platform; they've used CSAM images in authorized ads on their platforms; and they condone and encourage content of scantily clad children as long as it increases the platform engagement of creepy pedophiles.

After a recent court loss totaling over $500 million dollars and ongoing litigation that could end up costing them trillions, Meta has announced that it's going to stop covertly harming children and instead do it directly.

In a press release dated 8/21/2026, Meta has announced plans to officially rebrand as Meata and begin immediately erecting meat grinders large enough to fit the average 17 year old American child in all public parks throughout the US.

They will pay Meata Influencers to grab the presumably screaming children and toss them into the grinders, while recording all of it as viral video footage available only on Meata platforms.

When reached for a comment, Mark Zuckerberg replied "Yeah, you want to see me harming children? Now you will! Only on Facebook, Instagram, and Threads! Oh, and the Meataverse."

Several members of congress have seemed to question this act, however the majority has backed Meata and insisted that as this will be taking place in public parks, their right to grind children into a meat paste is protected free speech.

Reporting live from in this black rectangle,
Dr. Tṙump R’Apés Kíds
Nobel Peace Prize recipient and war criminal