Really shit. I've been struggling for weeks with awful depression. I'm not sure what caused it. Might need to up my meds. I don't like me and wish I could be someone else.

I started creative writing again, a gritty Cyberpunk noir / sapphic romance / thriller set in 2062. I've loved the games over the years, so it's been fun getting into the history between Cyberpunk Red and 2077.

I want to feel more than self loathing. I'm struggling with weight loss and hate how I look in the mirror. I'm getting too old too fast and looking at the next half of my life existing as a person I don't want to be.

On my scale of +3 (best day) to -3 (worst day), most days have been -2 to -3 with occasional, brief rises to 0 or +1, only to fall right back down. I want to get of Mr. Bone's Wild Ride.