Verify the small ground wire coming from the battery terminal to the body too.
Give them both a firm tug/wiggle - sometimes you can feel weakness in them when it's not visible.
Definitely a weird problem to have all that lightup at once. It's gotta be something up the chain, and all the rest are freaking out because of that one thing.
Good luck!
Edit: most local parts houses will pull codes for free. And everyone should have the cheap $10 Bluetooth code reader and the Torque app. I have one reader in the glove box of every car.