Nah, cooking with my wife is great. And it's best when neither of us necessarily has to delegate tasks. Figuring out which tasks need to be done and and which order can sometimes be a huge cognitive load! That's why if you ask someone what can you do to help they might get mad, you've asked them to take on the mental load of how to make you useful.

Instead a much better approach is too look at what they are doing and think for yourself what needs to be done! Uncut veggies that need to be chopped, ask if they want you to chop the veggies. Dishes piling up in the sink? Ask them if they want you to clean the dishes. Are they making something that needs boiling water, like pasta or potatoes? Go ahead and get a pot of water boiling. It's much better for someone helping to not just complete the task, but to identify it too.

With my partner we often swap between different styles, if it's something she wants, she's in charge but I still try to find ways to help without her asking to do it. Other times the roles are reversed and she's helping me. For big events like Thanksgiving, we are both overwhelmed and will often know what needs to be done and just do it, no one's in charge, we are approaching this like a team.

If your partner never wants you in the kitchen, it's probably because you're useless and have to be babied to handle the simplest of tasks. (Which is not always bad, not everyone can cook, but everyone should be able to do dishes!) Or in a really small kitchen where there just isn't space.

But the same is true if you are a guest, my friends have gotten pretty good at seeing what needs doing and will just do it! Helping with the dishes, setting the table, making cocktails, etc. Making themselves useful without adding to someone's cognitive load that is hosting people or making a meal. However it is very frustrating when a guest who is not familiar asks how they can help, they don't know where anything belongs, so they cannot effectively complete any tasks without being micromanaged, including dishes, because some things can't go in the dishwasher and they won't know what those are! The best things guest can do in these scenarios is usually to bring already made items, like drinks, or prepare them ahead of time, or only need widely available appliances to finish, like 10 minutes in an oven to brown a casserole.