This thread has made me realize, while my main thinking for trying to actually talk to people online was to fight social anxiety so I could do more in real life too, it seems it also gives opportunity to practice self improvement as a Communist as well, thanks.

Edit: and also to realize that overcoming my childhood trauma isn't just something to do for my own sake, but actually necessary for the path of being a Communist, as it is that trauma that drives my paranoia so high and makes me so inclined to listen to it, I must finish addressing it to remove the biggest part of me still clinging to liberalism, so maybe that key that I'm looking for simply can't be found in Theory alone, but needs something like talking in this community to find. I was thinking of Practice as only this thing that happens in the streets, but that may have been far to much of a mechanical and narrow understanding of Practice, I already knew I needed Practice to go with Theory but thinking it had to be in the streets created a "chicken and egg" sort of scenario as I can't yet bring myself to do that, so I need to find it here first, like training wheels when learning to ride a bike.