Living as a target of transmisogyny has taught me the world actually wants us to hard commit to that doormat life
I feel this. Very early in my transition, a then friend, a cis woman, was initially very accepting of my being trans, offered to help, and even framed it as a "big sister" kind of relationship.
This very quickly proved to be hollow, because she would treat me as unreasonable for asking for the help she'd offered. She would regularly talk down to me, making me feel stupid for wanting to transition. At one point, I tried telling her about how I really struggled with things like clothes and makeup because not only am I trans, but I'm also colorblind, and she told me that I "shouldn't get too invested in that stuff, because you don't want to be some vain removed."
And this was in between long stretches of weeks and months where she wouldn't talk to me. I was the one who had to start every conversation, she never took an active interest in my transition, or my life, when when I tried to take an interest in hers.
And I let myself be a doormat like that for a long time, because I was so desperate for that kind of female friendship and camraderie, that she kept pantomiming to me, while treating me like shit.
And that's still a kind of relationship I wish I had, but the whole experience has wrecked my self esteem enough, that I struggle to make connections with other women
