Yeah it was a hard lesson for me to learn. People only want to spend effort fixing things they think are worth fixing. If you could hate yourself better you'd have seen some improvement by now. Improving is hard and involves trying and failing. Self love is the key to not being discouraged when you face difficulties and fail.

And yeah, I'd check your area for trans support groups or meetups. Queer activism organizations like PFLAG may also be helpful. The closer to specifically trans something is the more of a red flag it is if you're the only transfem present or there's like one other one. Finding a bigger city is definitely going to help but you may surprise yourself, I found a good friend group when I lived in a smaller city.

And it's fair to want a closer relationship too. Wanting a partner or best friend/sister figure is normal and these relationships are something we need to be allowed to want without shame. I have built a queer family in my life and I'm married now, and these are things that are worth fighting for. And I'm angry that there are some who try to shame my sisters who don't have such relationships for wanting them as though our people are less human, less deserving of loving relationships.

You deserve these things, you may have to do some self work to be able to be healthy for others to have such relationships with you, or for them to want to have such a relationship with you, or maybe you're already fine for them. But it's just another reason to do that work, because you deserve the effort that that will take. You deserve the fruits of the internal work and of the external effort of going out and meeting people and trying to form ties with your fellow humans.

You got this sis