Evangelical teaching really marketed itself to appeal to traumatized people who were afraid of repeating the mistakes of their parents (or of their past selves). It promised that if they just did what the parenting books and the pastors told them, that their kids would turn out right and go to heaven and all would be well. I've gone back and looked through some of those books, and they are truly, truly vile. And not just those that get the most publicity now - the others that seem much more palatable are no less dangerous.
I'm glad you've found your own healing. It's a hard road to walk.