“originalism” and “textualism” were a fucking death knell for jurisprudence

I might at least have the stomach for these philosophies if they promised some kind of judicial consistency or a tangible stare decisis. Instead, it's pure Calvinball. The courts read the same statutes and precedents in polar opposite ways, purely based on the ideological shifts in conservative media.

It’s impractical and deeply, inherently regressive to think that a few clever slaveholding provincials had everything figured out forever and ever

Sure. But then you've got guys like Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito taking bribes in the open from oligarchs intent on extorting the modern day working class. And you realize its not the latter day slaveholders who are calling the shots.