Wait, gopher didn't use certificates? What's wrong with these people? And of course these are going to be just gpg certificates, not authoritative I imagine, or it would defeat the entire decentralised thing.
I really don't get this stuff. If you want pure text websites, just make them, you are allowed to use pure html, you don't have to use JavaScript if you don't want to. You can get real certificates for free from Let's Encrypt, and you can use any free DNS service you want