Eh, long story short, I feel like it's a mix between the fact that they can't utilize me (autism + countryside) and that I seem unavailable to them (no time (work, family, university, etc) + being a noob to ML, which I am only slowly developing, not like a full-time occupation). Plus I guess like, I have my own boundaries, whether not liking the local organization (mostly the people), or feeling left out of the youth, or being a teacher limits my communist exposure possibilities (meaning they might fire me if it get's out).

So, idk. It is making my heart ache, I am terrible at speaking, so I am no use on the street. I can't really take part in activities whether locally or in the capital. I don't really have any talents to include (like designer skills to make fliers or something). And I am too rigid and unimaginative (like I'd need assistance for this) to be able to do a task I have told you guys about like couple years ago or so, which was being tasked to follow foreign communist parties and make notes on them for the chairman, as I am one of the only people who kinda speak a foreign language. So, I feel like there are a ton of things to be confronted about and they might rightfully ask me that: then why am I in the party? You know.

I still have 3 days, I am thinking very hard to come up with things I could do for them, so they get the feeling that I do want to contribute, it's just that I am sadly a very limited person. Because if I just go to them and try to "explain" things, then they will just see everything as an excuse, maybe other autists here can attest to this.

Yeah, I'll see. After the birthday party (I wonder how party-like it will be for me and who I'll be able to connect with if anyone) I might give you my conclusions or just talk about what happened. For now, it remains to be seen how this will turn out. I'll try my best to be confident and helpful.

Great, I'll try to end the week or start next week with those posts!