This reads like it came straight off of linked in. Perfection.

Not that this actually happened of course, but if somebody genuinely worked like that, you wouldn't want to work for them.

You'd probably end up stabbing them in the eye with a rusty fork, and no one would blame you.

I know you don't have a laptop or a desk or email yet. Oh, and you're not in the payroll system, but if you want to stand around all day not getting paid, I won't stop you.