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Hey dad, did having a newborn make you bitter towards your parents? (programming.dev)
submitted 1 year ago by to c/dadforaminute@lemmy.world
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I just had a kid of my own and I’m finding some feelings of resentment towards mom.

Like, there were some times where I didn’t receive the supervision I needed, or where I wasn’t taught certain life skills (because she was so busy with my siblings) and I just can’t imagine letting that happen with my baby.

Did you ever feel this way towards your parents when you had me? If so, how did you deal with it?

Thanks Pop.

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[–] 2 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Well, there is no point in being bitter. It isn't going to make them better parents.

Everyone is screwed up, it usually isn't their fault.

But we just try to do the best we can.

On days we are both sick or when life just beat the crap out of us and we just can't be emotionally available right now. We just do what what can, even though we both know you deserved better.

Sorry kid,

still working on doing better

-Love Dad

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  • [–] [S] 2 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    I agree that bitterness is a poison you drink and expect the other person to die from. It’s not good for me to hold onto.

    That said, I have an ongoing relationship with mom and the bitter feelings (about my childhood) that come up when she’s around don’t feel nice.

    She’s proven in some ways that she wasn’t a great parent. It may mean she doesn’t get to be around my kiddo as much.

    I’m wondering how you handled it as a parent when first encountering these feelings. Did you just decide to forgive and move forward with grandpa and grandma in the picture? Did you let us see grandma and grandpa less than you would have if you’d have had a better relationship with them?

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  • [–] 1 point 1 year ago

    I realized it was not about me but what was fair to you.

    You might not have known healthy and safe boundaries, so you got to meet them under conditions that I felt was appropriate (no getting drunk, stopping them from giving you scotch sort of thing).

    If they respected that you got to see them more but when they fell back into bad habits, you didn't get to see them for a while.

    I know they always tried to use ice cream and cake to bribe you into liking them and why you wanted to visit them.

    So I am sorry if you feel you missed your chance to see them while they were alive because of me but I did it to protect you from their worst behaviors.

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