The whole thing is rubbish. The trick is finding a balance between extremes. My balance isn't going to be your balance, but can be a useful gauge for beginners.

I always took that to mean until u achieve inner peace u cannot effectively grow that close to someone without hurting them. If ur together for long enough ull end up sharing a few traits negative included.

Edit:obvs I don't think inner peace is like getting rid of negative traits entirely but if u truly love and accept yourself then u will accept ur negative traits too and thus ull be less harmful if someone grows that close

I can see why it's listed though. I tend to try to improve myself ad infinitum, and never start living and making mistakes. I've heard this so much that I'm pretty sure it's one of the big reasons I haven't been dating for a long time, even though I should. Funnily enough, my therapist told me to stop thinking and improving and just try it out. And she was right.

So it's not a wrong thing generally to say, but sometimes people have a hard time wrapping up the healing process and just trying things. And that's when it gets bad.

Forgiveness is something you do for yourself. It's deciding that the fact you were hurt in the past won't control how you react to getting hurt, or the possibility of getting hurt, in the future. It only applies to situations you decide to perpetuate. Resentment without "holding the hot coal" is a perfectly reasonable alternative when getting hurt; you can decide you will continue to react negatively to getting repeatedly hurt rather than accepting it, without holding onto it as extra pain on top of the hurt you experience. But we don't really have a word for that in-between, recognition/acknowledgement are maybe the best. But you can hold on to the fact that you are being repeatedly injured and acknowledge that.