So, you still have to go through all the dependencies, vulnerabilities and incompatibilities.
That's the point. There is no free lunch. Yet, you can live with stable, pinned versions and only upgrade the ones you really need to, and that means exercise your personal criteria instead of mindlessly upgrade everything just because there was a bump in a version number somewhere in an upstream dependency.
Yes, you can now kind of control the timing,
Timing, extent, scope, and impact. That's the point.
but it’s still unacceptable in my opinion, that you have to spend so much time just to not be an active danger to everyone.
You only spend the time you decide to spend. There are already vulnerability scanners that pinpoint exactly which versions need to be updated, and do that automatically for you. Mindlessly opening the floodgate to each and every change is by definition idiocy and a liability.