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[โ€“] 26 points 3 years ago (3 children)

Of course, the answer was right in front of me! I just need to pull on those bootstraps harder

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  • [โ€“] 9 points 3 years ago (2 children)

    My bootstraps broke when I pulled them harder.

    Turns out the local company that made bootstraps for 125 years was bought out by a hedge fund, which promptly fired all of the workers and subcontracted manufacturing to a company in Sri Lanka who could make them much cheaper by using inferior materials and by paying the Sri Lankan workers in 6 months what a fired local worker made in a day.

    Ironically, the hedge fund CEO with the MBA he received as a legacy admission to Cornell only wears slippers because fuck you, I'm the boss.

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