Similar story here. 21 years and there's a child involved. Even similar 2 instances of dating that involved not being allowed to express my feelings without risking the relationship. So I did and ended both relationships. It would be nice if there was a choice that isn't hard. The only choice we seem to have is which hard we want. Both of which isn't a great ending. I've since given up dating altogether. Resigned to the fact that that part of my life is over. Just being a good and present parent, being nice and helpful to everyone in my life. I don't want to go through life alone but I don't seem to have a choice in that without being a doormat for someone else, which I refuse to do because if I did, I'd be showing my child to put up with never getting what you need from a relationship and that it's normal. I can't do that.