Unless it's Dark Souls 2 wherein you mash a couple buttons after being knocked down or rolling and manage to queue up your binoculars perfectly. This, in turn, allows you to get a really splendid look at your enemy's grimacing face as he shoves a rather vicious and often seriously pointy metal object up your ass. All the while you're frantically trying to roll away and accidentally toss back a flask. This manages to save you from an untimely demise until you notice that you backed up a little too much and that dude waiting to ambush took one last drag from his cigarette, flicked it away, and proceeded to club your head like he was Babe Ruth after a particularly hearty breakfast.

Then on the way back to your souls some asshole named "Forsworn" gets in your way. God only knows what his problem is.

That explains so much…

Oh, yeah I own that calculator. I bought it from amazon, it was an extremely cheap Scientific calculator with a gimmicky writing pad that tricked me into buying it.