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who is this? (programming.dev)
submitted 3 years ago by to c/memes@lemmy.ml
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[–] 1 point 3 years ago (5 children)

Cab you tell me more about that? I don't have experience with non monogamous relationships, but I always assumed that it is exhausting. At least when you don't just sleep with each other but also share your emotions.

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  • [–] 4 points 3 years ago (4 children)

    I don't think living/being poly is as exhausting as keeping up other relationships. It is more exhausting to lie and to hide when you are cheating. Cause you create a mask and by that causing a distance to your partner.

    Our society has a big focus on momogamous romantic relationship. Family, friends, other relationships variants... "not that desirable". Even i, a monogamous, find that... exhausting. My family always fights with each other, my friends are busy working. Who is left to connect to?

    I love my boyfriend. But i often wish for more connection with other people (non romantic and non sexual). Just hanging out, sharing thoughts and emotions. Without being afraid of vurnability. But that means to make time for friends, to stop having a grugde with the family.

    Every relationship is exhausting, but the connection it's worth the effort.

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  • [–] 3 points 3 years ago* (last edited 3 years ago) (3 children)

    > but I often wish for more connection with other people

    The fact that that's not ok in your relationship sounds pretty bizarre to me. I am in a monogamous relationship, and I have both male and female friends. My gf also has both male and female friends. When she wants to go have some personal time with her friends, I'm supportive of that.

    I'm likely reading too much into this, so I'll apologize in advance, but not being ok with your significant other spending quality time with people they care about seems jealous and insecure to me.

    EDIT: My reading comprehension is apparently trash tier.

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  • [–] 2 points 3 years ago (2 children)

    I am not taking it offencive. But how did you read that into it? That my SO doesn't want me to have friends? That's not nice for a stranger to assume and to analyse.

    My best friend and i are working 10 Minutes apart. But she doesn't have time to even go out and eat. So we hang out on discord every few weeks. I don't like that very much, but since corona friendships just are this way. My country doesn't value friendship that much so we don't put in the work. And That's pretty sad, but cause everyone is doing that it's hatd to break that circle.

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  • [–] 2 points 3 years ago (1 child)

    Ah, I see. Yeah, I thought I was misreading it, thanks for the clarification.

    I have felt a similar thing with friends drifting apart, although in my case I think it has more to do with age and being busy than corona.

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  • [–] 2 points 3 years ago

    That's okay. Yeah good internet conversation x)

    And yeah, growing older and growing apart is a part of what happen in my case. Priorities change over life. But it's hard to find new friends for new parts of life.

    foreigners come to out country, are happy and highly motivated, but are leaving a few years later depressed and isolated. Cause they don't find people to make friends with. Cause we are so closed of (i mention it cause i read an article about that. And i really do understand them)

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