this post was submitted on 10 Apr 2024
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You'd be a great addition to our spring fertility festival. Would you be able to bless the virgins as they leap over a bonfire?
"I would like to apologise for my actions during the recent spring fertility festival. While I hope we can agree that the virgins stumbling and falling into the bonfire was nobody's fault, I should have taken greater actions to save them. Indeed, it was far too soon for me to open my arms to the flames, offer their pure souls to the quint-coloured mother and beg her eternal blessing. It was an inappropriate time for funerary rites. I hope you can forgive me."
Meanwhile the village idiot is being flogged for heresy for daring to suggest that the prayer this stranger priest was chanting moments before his sister tumbled into the fire may have been responsible.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! It was a fertility. Festival! It is my job to offer prayers as the fertility rituals are being performed, and now you want to condemn me for it? When I was some distance from the entire event? Are we then to assume that every famine our village suffered before I arrived was due to you drinking in the local tavern, Ser Idiot? I can understand this is a difficult time for you, but don't let your grief blind you! I will overlook this baseless accusation this once, but only once."
I think the real problem is that they were using virgins for a fertility festival. They should get that one couple that has fifteen kids but can only keep track of two at a time.