finally got over the "i deserve to have things not fully work" brainworms for long enough to buy a new phone. current one is 5 years old and keeps shutting off randomly so, kinda a long time coming i guess

You may have stuff you need to do, but have you considered that if we don't make it impossible to cross from one side of the city to the other it'll hurt the bikes feelings.

Anyway I'm opening these fucking barriers and if one of these security dweebs tries stopping me I'm just gonna steal the entire barrier you fucking watch me.

YEA SURE LETS SHUT DOWN ALL FUCKING PUBLIC TRANSPORT IN A MAJOR CITY TO PROMOTE BICYCLING. THAT MAKES SENSE. ALSO YOU CANT WALK WE'RE LITERALLY BLOCKING YOUR ABILITY TO WALK ACROSS MAJOR ROUTES TO MAKE ROOM FOR BOTH THE BIKES.

Update on my healing journey: I am more painfree than before, but I also haven't worked out these recent days bc the hot temperatures were making my surgical wounds itch and pulsate. I guess they don't like the heavy blood flow. But it's okay.

Now I just got my period again and the cramps are so much worse than the last few times. I'll be over here, melting into a puddle.

Went to a social event. Had a short conversation with someone who sat with me. Still hovering around generally, and then leaving after a short time.

Going up to someone feels like a bad idea, introducing myself feels like a violation of their boundaries.

Honestly, I need things on a level playing field. If I'm in a group of any kind and two people are like, clicking, or already know each other, my brain really latches onto that. I'd prefer if we were all strangers, so I don't feel like I have to play catch up. But my instinct is to back off the minute I suspect that they know or like that person better than me.

Like if we were a group of strangers plunged into a scenario or situation together. Holy shit I'm going to go on Survivor so I can make friends

It's the summer solstice party at Stonehenge tonight. I want to go, so much it hurts. I've wanted to go for years. But I don't feel well enough at all and anyway the trains are too expensive.

showered for the first time in a month, I can feel my health deteriorating.

i am physically incapable of not spending too much social energy all at once and now im depressive again

BRB gonna try to art

I was exhausted yesterday and im still feeling exhausted today

i got referred to a psychologist bc the therapy/medicine aint doing shit lmao. i want to be upfront about the things i usually dont mention for fear of being pathologized (like being plural), but gosh am i afraid they're just gonna go and turn me away for some special specialist i cant afford

I had an anxiety attack on Saturday that essentially wrecked me for the next 2 day. Now I have to go get a few cavities filled and I fucking hate needles so guess who's back? Anxiety! I'm bringing my earbuds and a stim toy with me so hoping I don't turn too much into a 42 year old baby.

The group I've been organizing with started their breakfast program this week. Yesterday not a single kiddo showed up. I'm checking with them now and I guess this morning 4 kids showed up. We reached out to a local community leader and he spread the word a bit. I really wanna see this program take off! It's a first step towards our Food Co-op. We still need to get the website live because people are talking about it.

I'm gonna get my food handler license done probably Friday so I can start helping directly. I want to put as much effort into this as I can because if we start getting enough money from the Co-op, I get to be the first paid employee and that's gonna be substantially more rewarding than driving a delivery van for Amazon.

Med school is a way to redirect strivers without any sense of empathy towards places where they'll do less damage. Also the uni internal it system is designed with malice. It's literally evil. It's not just incompetent

choice between waiting 3 years to get an autism diagnosis and access to help i need or paying $3,000

I have made a ridiculous sandwich, ice water and I'm shitposting in the shade Gotta get back to doing something productive, but I'm still gonna be picnicing by myself :)