So, I recently moved back in my old neighborhood and it got a LOT noisier in the almost two years I spent elsewhere. Music pumping out of every third car which passes through, and it's by no means a main road. Either that, or the neighbors using thin walls as an excuse, in that we just have to sit there and take it from their perspective. A lot of younger people, students and fresh graduates by the look of things.

I started trying to limit it a bit by assertively (just that, although I will admit that it takes some effort to keep things polite in many cases) approaching the mix masters and asking them to tone it down a notch, or take it elsewhere. I still have good relations with a few of the old neighbors, some people with well-behaved kids who do their best to keep to themselves, and many others who are elderly and have essentially given up on trying - not judging, but I'm pretty much alone in doing this.

Yesterday afternoon, a rando pops into the neighborhood, music thumping out of her car like it was the main stage. She parks, exits, music still thumping. I ask her what's the deal.

"Oh, pardon me! I didn't realise we were in the rich part of town!"

It was then that I experienced my first flood of intrusive thoughts, "there was blood everywhere... splashing..."

I could only reply with "no, it's a residential area, and besides a basic sense of decency, there are clear regulations about pumping techno for the full three blocks of town we're in," as I didn't trust myself with going off script while my brain was boiling with pure rage.

I'm fucking reeling still. It's all coming out as a nonsensical jumble of half-started sentences, my frustration and anger have become nonverbal.

And I hate that I have to pull out the "it's fucking illegal" card, too, but it's the only one which has any sort of traction. Otherwise, you get laughed off at best.

*I'm genuinely not exaggerating about this. I spend most of my day with headphones on, so I couldn't care less if my neighbor's washing machine starts taking tapdancing lessons, or if someone else's TV can be heard if you sit and listen quietly. I'm not the type to complain about footsteps in the night, but rehearsing porn lines in the AMs or trying out one's new trunk subwoofer's max volume tends to set me off. My rule is, if I can hear you clearly through decent-ish (Sennheiser M3 in-ears) noise cancelling, you're being too fucking loud.

Therapy is expensive, so the internet is getting this vent.

I had originally written this intending for it to be a reply to a comment talking about sources of the feeling, so this is divided by source.

Capitalistic:

I had one job (Job 1) that had poor sales so they laid off employees.

I looked for jobs for over 2 months and applied for a factory position at another workplace (Job 2); Job 2 reached out to me and said that with my credentials they wanted me in a higher up and specialized office position instead, which I accepted. I had been invited to weekly meetings with the higher ups, including the CEO and the like, but one day another employee who goes to these meeting said she got an email from our department boss (who happens to be a family member of hers) saying that I didn’t have to attend that day’s meeting; I did not receive this email. Later that week was the day before my 90 day performance review and qualification for benefits; boss called me into HR’s office to say that even though my performance was fine, they have eliminated my position in a re-org for financial reasons. Additionally, I had been hired by Job 2 before the tariffs had hit but after everybody knew they were coming, so Job 2 would have known their upcoming financial prospects beforehand. Did the people at Job 2 who handle the hiring ask for me to take that position just to use me for 3 months and then dump me? Was that their plan from the beginning? Did the employee who received the email know at that time that I’d be eliminated? Did other employees know I’d be eliminated? Did I do something wrong, either professionally or a social faux pas, that they wouldn’t tell me about?

I spent a much shorter time looking for work after Job 2. My current workplace (Job 3) had a recruiter reach out to me for my background and they hired me immediately, with a 40% higher pay than the previous jobs. “Training” was just standing over the shoulders of a couple of people in another position for a month, slowly waiting for new information to randomly come up. There has been basically no instructions or expectations presented of what is expected of my output/tasks. It feels like curiosity, etiquette, and any English language usage or academic/cultural references past maybe a 5th grade level are frowned upon and punished, whereas contradicting knowledge, crassness and bigotry, and unstimulating banal notions are rewarded. My manager provides unclear instructions and gets frustrated when I ask for clarifications, and he has my ideas and efforts to make things better or more clear twisted into points against me. I’m going to graded on “cultural fit” shortly, but I don’t relate to the simplistic interests that almost all other employees apparently have. I get explicitly told that I don’t fit in. They wanted someone with my qualifications and they met me during the interview, yet it feels like they wanted to hire an alien to be homogenous to them.

Other, non-capitalistic factors:

Family: Most of my immediate and extended family is of a particular religion. They’d say they care about me and that I’m a loved one but their doctrine says I’m categorically evil and that I should be punished severely. “Those who believe absurdities…” yada yada yada.

My immediate family stands by a narcissistic and manipulative family member. Among other things, this family member chose to do nothing about physical and verbal abuse that I had been receiving which he had the authority to stop, and (when we were both adults) he also threatened physical harm and attempted to take several thousand dollars worth of my personal property. I’ve since cut contact but my immediate family still tries to get me to go to events where he will be present. Everybody knows what this family member voted for too 😬, but I don’t need to familiarize you with the wider consequences of that.

Socially: I’ve never been popular or cool. As a child and even into college friend groups, I always felt like the nth wheel or an incidental afterthought. Most of my interests and hobbies were stigmatized or out of fashion, and rarely did any apparent friend of mine want to partake with me in those hobbies which weren’t. I didn’t get invited to most things. After college, most of my friends ghosted me; in one case, I wished one of them “Happy Birthday”, they responded “Thanks” and before I could write “You’re welcome”, they had blocked me.

Romantically: Generally, little success. Notable incidences: 

• A couple of brief relationships in middle and high school. Neither were too long or are too noteworthy. Both feel like they just wanted a person’s body more than a person themself, if that makes sense.

• In high school, a girl asked me to homecoming and I went with her since I thought she was generally smart even though I didn’t feel a strong connection; I assume she asked me out due to general pity, or due to a pious desire to help those in misfortune, or perhaps even to convert me. 

• Later in high school, the girl I had an interest in at the time had said she wanted to win a raffle for $100 or so when she happened to be sitting next to me at the drawing; incidentally, I won this raffle. In private, I asked if she’d take that money for a prom ticket with me, but she politely declined and said she didn’t like proms. A week or two later, I overheard her saying she’d happily go to (the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory themed) prom if she and others could “dress up like an Oompa-Loompa”. I’m less appealing than being an Oompa-Loompa?

• A common situation in high school was me developing a crush on a girl, only to be told later that she isn’t into my gender. I respected that, and moved on. This happened a very frustrating number of times; some of those times were later proven false, so I may have had a chance but didn’t even know I could take it.

• Dating didn’t happen in college. I thought I had a date once and it was probably the happiest day of my life because I really liked her and found the couple hours together really engaging and stimulating. A few days later, I find out that she isn’t into my gender.

• While at Job 1, I had signed up for a speed dating event in hopes of finding a proper venue to solicit a relationship from someone. Job 1 laid me off like a week before the event, and becoming unemployed crushed my dating appeal. Nevertheless, the event turned out to be a scam to steal my sign-up money.

• After starting Job 2, I had more confidence in my dating appeal and tried a couple of dating apps. I matched with someone whom I felt a really great connection with and whom I really admired, but she was sick at the time so plans kept falling through. On her end, her new job totally cancelled on her so she abandoned her plans to make a new relationship. She had given me her number, found out she had lost the upcoming job, deleted her profile, and after I texted her she told me she had deleted her profile and why.

• While at Job 2, I matched with somebody whom I knew from high school that I thought was attractive but whom I had previously thought wasn’t into my gender (as well as one or two other make-or-break factors for me that her profile clarified). We messaged briefly and then she ghosted me. 

• Finally got a match that ended up with an in-person date, my first in years. Going in, I worried we’d be too alike. Heading out, I felt we were too different. Her message afterward said that I’m “a cool guy” (I’m not) but she didn’t want to hang out again. It feels like she matched with me simply because I met her basic parameters (ex. no smoking, religious views, political alignment) rather than any personal appeal.

• Another match. Not a super deep connection but we were getting along. As we were beginning to make plans, Job #2 dropped me. I passed this info on to her and said that I’d feel insufficient in a relationship without a job, especially knowing from last time how long unemployment can take. 

• During the entire 6 months on dating apps, I’ve received only a couple of likes at most one app and zero compliments (the mode of engagement/solicitation) on Hinge, the other app. 

Online: Can’t have an account on this social media because the owner is a corrupt billionaire. Can’t have an account on this other social media because the owner is a corrupt billionaire. Can’t have an account on this other social media because the ads are so goddamn evil and perverse. Can’t have an account on this other social media because every post is by bots. Can’t have an account on this other social media because I get harassed and bullied by the owner for calling out problems and for honestly trying to do what is asked of users. 

In another thread, people are saying my feeling is paranoia. Is the above background a reason enough to feel unstable and unsure?

I try to do the right thing and to value kindness and empathy and education and ethics and all those good things, but it feels like these don’t get me anywhere. Why do the bigots and anti-intellectuals and abusers get to go home feeling satisfied and see people who love them but I don’t? I feel like less than a human but then I see what humans do and I feel glad I’m not like them but still feel like shit because I get nothing out of trying to be good. Once I feel like I’m in a good position, everything crashes down. What I work towards turns out to be a mirage and my values and efforts to make things better are prohibitive. Or maybe it’s just a goddamn curse on me.

My pants are getting on a bit so I figured I'd get some new ones. They fit me perfectly at a length of 32 inches, so I figured I'd buy the same online. My new pants are delivered and they're way too short. Alright, let's go to the shop instead so we can actually try things. The pants marked as length 32 are dragging on the floor. Let's try the length 30 then. Alright, that fits but I'm not too fond of the material. Let's try a different brand. Oh, the other brand is dragging on the floor at length 30? Let's check a guide to see how to measure my true size. Seems simple enough, hold a book between the thighs and measure from the floor to the top of the book. But the guide doesn't come with a chart to tell you the size, so let's check another website.. XS, that can't be right? Oh, it's actually from the crotch to the end of the trouser leg?

I'm so done with this..

I work in a 4,000+ person company. Two years ago, the CEO created a dozen new positions underneath him. President. Chief of Marketing. Chief of Design. Chief of Product. Chief of Buildings. Etc.

Some of it was needed. Many were not. My boss, a director level person, would end up in a room with like 15 of these Chiefs-of-X, and hundreds of other directors. There was no heirarchy. You'd have a Chief of Product working with the Chief of Design and Chief of Marketing.

Many of them would just walk around, making demands to push their personal initiative, do 2-3 "update meetings" a day then go fuck around and collect their $500k salary

Late 2024, a lot of us found ourselves in "Office Space"-level BS where we'd have multiple bosses. I was reporting to two directors, and four Chiefs myself. Every week, I would get verbally chewed out by one, and praised by another - all different every time.

Last month, we got a memo that there was going to be some "restructuring" of departments. Then last week, half the Chiefs were quietly demoted to Dept Leads managing a small team, or fired. No other staff was fired except the C-levels.

I don't know what sparked it.

But I won't deny this seems like a path in the right direction.

Back to school after 5 years, figured id finally finish up that engineering degree, got all of my Gen eds out of the way and me and my fiancée have even moved out to be closer to the school.

Did my first calc 2 lesson today, had so much trouble following even though I took my meds, we broke into groups and I was less than useless, didn't remember a lick from calc 1, very foundational shit. One little shit even laughed at me when I tried to answer something.

I already have a pretty big learning disability I'm working with, I feel like I'm going to have to relearn all the concepts from the first class just to keep up in this one. Not a great start to my school career and not making me feel great about picking school back up at 30.

That's it, respond how you want, I just think I needed to write this out to organize my thoughts on the matter

So, I placed an order last Wednesday, same country different city, it cost a not insignificant sum of money. Package only started moving on Thursday, although the shop had handed it over to the courier service the day prior.

Friday rolls in, delivery failed - package is supposedly too large for a delivery box, redirected to courier. I don't understand why the person delivering it to the box couldn't have called me, there's literally a locker bank every couple of blocks now, would've taken anyone tied to this one no more than 5 minutes to get to it. I get that it's a policy thing, I just don't understand why it's a policy in the first place. What-the-fuck-ever.

No show until today, Tuesday, status still unchanged, even though on Saturday I received a different order I had placed on Friday, through the same courier service. I didn't even request or pay for weekend delivery.

Call customer support, get picked up after 35-40 minutes of waiting. The package hasn't even been shifted from their box delivery depot to their courier delivery depot. In almost a week.

So now my options are as follows:

• wait and trust that they'll "expedite the transfer process and will do everything they can to get it to me as fast as possible"

• head to the depot myself, which is situated in a different town, by:
  a. taking the train, which'll be 3 hours total
  b. taking a bus, which'll be 3 hours total
  c. making puppy eyes at a cab driver and paying a fifth of my order's value (rough estimate) on the fare, and be back in 1.5 - 2 hours

They advertise delivery as overnight as long as it's in-country.

And this is all because they've cut back on their staff, in addition to continuing to underpay them. We have, like 5 different courier services in this country and they all suck donkey balls. The Post Office is now catching up in terms of efficiency, and they haven't changed since Communism was still a thing around here.

I'm gonna cut past a lot of stuff here, but for the last two years me and my gf have been in a constant state of moving/working fulltime/dealing with insurance bullshit. My now fiancée and I have finally settled into our newest place, and plan to stay here a minimum of 2 years. Since I've moved I'm waiting to tell my insurance because I know they'll say "well you can't have the same insurance anymore for some reason".

On top of this, I'm 30 and finally attempting the final college attempt (3 time dropout) to get my Mechatronics engineering degree. I recently learned this is going to consume 3 years of my life. Now I have to wait and see if this new schedule is going to get me fired or not as this is an extremely demanding job and my boss has still not checked their email. If so, I've gotta start cracking on new jobs.

It's just busy busy busy and honestly I'm not sure how I'm moving forward anymore.

If the posts are removed already: This is a fairly aggrovated response to the vent Mods apparantly having od‘d on Keta again and the AI slop running around here like the mods are probably while shitting their brain out

Lets begin then, post your finest unreflected heuli heuli in the comments about how toxic lemmy is and no one likes you

Delete if this doesn't qualify as a vent.

Many moons ago I got perma banned like many other lemmings. Before that happened I found myself doom scrolling reddit, constantly arguing with people over my opinions and what I enjoy and being trolled. I overall enjoyed reddit though, and was a member for over 10 years. But after the ban and being forced to stop injust realized how shitty online communities are. I don't spend much time on Lemmy like I did reddit. And I can rechose the communities I want to be in. This also led me to stay off of TikTok and Instagram more and just... Chill.

So thank you reddit, without being banned I would have an unhealthy phone lifestyle still.

At this point I should use a different frontend, but given how often YouTube likes to break anything connected to it with its constant changes, I've put it off...

However it's not even the insistence on shorts that's got me writing this. It's their tile/square scaling for videos in general. On my display they're so massive you only see around six to eight videos at default zoom.

Even more annoying is they seem to go back and forth on this, so some days it's like this then it's back to something that lets me see a multitude of videos to choose from without constant scrolling. I understand there are way bigger problems with YouTube than this, but it's bizarre that among all the criticisms I haven't seen this as much.

The content recommendations vary wildly to often being trash, the push of shorts on desktop is bad, and to top it off they seem to want to make the basic browsing experience awful too. Yet they've basically got a near monopoly on user-uploaded videos so I'm stuck venting about them instead of moving to alternatives.

Somebody figure out how to make PeerTube or similar really happen for web's sake.

Yeah interesting that being away from bullies and creeps and abusive adults at an institution, rapists at high school, adults who treated me like a wild animal, and family who bullied me my whole life for every aspect of who I was, I actually have a personality, I can hold conversations, I can work a job, I take care of myself and my living space, and I don't cut myself as much anymore, fucking interesting it's almost as if that stupid shit is fake and all these children are suffering from being the roach of their families and being gaslit into believing constant bullying is love.

I fucking despise the way my boss prioritizes profits above all else, including employee/customer satisfaction. Why bother pleasing the customer if you're just going to fuck them over the next time they visit? Tired of being blame for the complaints about shit that's managements fault and I have no control over.

Maybe if they paid me enough to actually be the employee they seem to want, I would step up and help keep the place in code, but noooo that's too expensive on labor hours. Maybe you should've thought about that before you bought a restaurant???

I'm sorry about complaining here, I'm drunk and don't have anyone/where else to listen to my unimportant shit.

Everyone would seriously raise one child to be an unwanted dependent burden then bully it as revenge for it existing and being a burden. Yeah it could have been an independent human being but you raised it to be scum, and the reason why it's worthless scum is because it was born with some meaningless label, right. Then when it tries to do anything on its own everyone in its life bullies it for trying to be a real human. So funny that it thinks it's on the same level as actual people, right. It should know its place as a dependent burdensome permanent toddler. But then it's too old to need actual people washing its face and brushing its teeth, so the actual people use spit and toilet water as revenge. And if it says anything about it, it's just throwing a little fit for not getting what it wants when it wants and it's funny.

Doing anything on its own it's being a bad kid but then actually becoming independent is so inspirational, that some worthless scum managed to actually be like actual humans! It must be the stupid meaningless disorder that made her so stupid that she was stripped of all humanity by everyone in her life that made her so smart she could get a job. But everyone still hates her for not getting free money from the government so they sabotage the job and tell her to stop acting like she's more than. Right! Know your place. You are less than. You're less human than a roach. Even roaches are too good for you. You're supposed to be a helpless overgrown baby, but everyone will hate you and abuse you for that too.

The longer I live, the more I'll need to fight to just be a human being. What is the point of living if I'm only going to be seen exclusively as That Shit? I envy all the actual people who get to be actual human beings. Like, Toby Fox made those popular games, but if that were me, that stupid disorder made the game. It's popular because that stupid shit made me talented and smart. But if I lost interest in making games, that stupid shit made me uninterested. Just fucking eradicate that stupid fake shit already. Everyone is suffering from something with an actual name, definition, and treatment. That stupid puzzle piece shit is only an excuse to give up on children not worth anyone's time. It's fucking fake and it destroys lives before they can even start.

I have a problem at my job, I have certain coworkers I'm just a huge chatterbox with, I'm not making excuses for myself, but essentially we had a huge project coming up, a lot of looming huge wires, a lot of physical labor. I was chatting and working, admittedly slowing things down, when the supervisor of the department said, "hey, we're calling X over since he's faster, you can go back to your department."

I understand why that manager made the call and I won't blame my tiredness/apathy for why I was slacking, but having that reality check just really made me feel embarrassed and like I made an ass out of myself. I like to consider myself a professional but that was not professional of me.

Ugh, now I'm just grappling with these feelings and trying to make up for it by working my ass off in my department, but I had to take my break to vent.

I feel like I'm worth nobody's romantic time. I never ever flirt because of it. I always assume nobody wants me. And if they do, I genuinely figure they don't know what they want. I'm 26 years old and have never been with anybody. I do have hobbies, I dance (semi-professionally), I like to skateboard, I go to parties, go to the gym, etc. The only attention I ever get are from fat or ugly women. I have never met a woman I liked that liked me back. Or so I presume. Because, again, I genuinely cringe at the thought of me showing romantic interest and the other party not appreciating it. I actually feel like clawing my eyes out if that were to ever happen to me. And still I don't feel like changing, I am destined to die alone. I feel like improving my self esteem is the same shutting your eyes and pretending something isn't there. I also feel like I deserve it. I mean, if I REALLY wanted a girlfriend. I guess I could settle for a fat or ugly woman. But no, can't do that either. I would not be able to love someone if I felt like I only got there through a settlement of sorts. Anyway, I guess you could say, I am one lost cause mother fucker.

I am feeling anxious and emotionally numb. I possibly also feel some depression. It seems like I have had so many cups of coffee since this morning as my comfort drink; I hope this helps brighten my day.

For the past 4 years, I have poured everything I have into my passion as a professional wrestling referee. There's not much money in it, but I've dreamed about making it to one of the larger national companies and this year all my work was finally start to pay off with being booked in Vegas during WrestleMania week and being booked for several large arena shows.

I'm also trans.

Now I find myself in a situation where interstate travel in the US is becoming more dangerous by the day. I am finding myself having to check legislation multiple times a week to see what new laws have been passed and how they could affect me. When it's illegal for you to use the proper bathroom without going to jail (and getting put in with the wrong population on top of it), it becomes impossible that drive the hundreds of miles through these states to where I'm booked.

After countless hours on the road and thousands upon thousands of dollars invested, I'm now finding my dream, which seemed obtainable just a few months ago, being ripped away from me simply because of what I am. I am also losing my entire social and support circle as I have literally no one locally in my life (extremely small town).

American dream my ass. Only if you're cis-het white. I've not been able to stop crying and I just don't care to keep going anymore. In wrestling or life.

Some dude I've known for years just showed his true colours in the most subhuman way possible and I cannot get past it.

I mean we were never super insanely close but Jesus Christ. I never would've expected something so awful from him. It's just one of those classic examples of like, do NOT give people the benefit of the doubt or make excuses for any of their shitty actions. Despite their extremely deceiving, manipulative, cutesy and sweet "personality". Oh maybe he's just a dum dum teehee. No he's a fucking ginormous piece of shit asshole.

Also I'm like thinking back at the one dude I thought was genuinely a good guy and realizing he was a POS too. And I literally just believed what he wanted me to believe. Cause I wanted it to be true.

I don't know where to go from here really. I guess I just have to be alone all the time. Like, I don't think people like me and I don't think it's worth the effort to try to get them to. Especially not at this point.

Like even 5 years ago when I was genuinely pretty I got treated like literal garbage by the world. And no it's not a few bad experiences or being around the wrong people or some bs. I just don't fucking care anymore. Like if I literally was never good enough for anyone BACK THEN, I don't fucking care. Now I'll never be.

Fuck people.

I regret being a child with hobbies like every other child. Every hobby was some stupid Exquisite Talent that I had to be filmed and shoved down everyone's throats for. Everything I enjoyed was only for the smartest intellectuals and I had to be filmed and interviewed for that as well. I literally was the equivalent of Elon Musk and Trump, everyone was so tired of hearing about what random mundane thing I accomplished this time. But I was also the asshole for wanting to be normal as I'm passing up a rare privilege everyone else wished they had.

I also regret losing interest in everything and being a literal zombie staring at walls when I wasn't sleeping as that was proof I had some stupid disorder and needed help. I really should have just been euthanized instead. All lives do not matter.

So basically there were these tortilla wraps I would use to make wraps.. they had 25% corn.

Yes. That is the best I could find. They were barely passable but it's all I had. The only other ok one is some gluten free one at a proposterous criminal price, I'm talking it costs more than meat.

Well guess what. They ruined them. Now it's 15% corn. You'd think it's not that bad right. They taste like fucking shit. The entire texture is different. It's actually revolting.

Fml. Life is shit and no one can convince me otherwise.

If a child went insane something probably happened to them, but label that child with a puzzle piece and nothing happened, they were always insane.

• You will only be as loved as much as you qualify for free money or have some "talent" that generates money.

• Your family will hate you either way, for being a burden that can't do anything for itself. 9 times out of 10 they could have taught you how to be independent but assumed you couldn't do anything because of some stupid disorder label.

• Wanting to be independent makes you ungrateful for their help. These people are helping, with their own time and money from their own pocket, and you push it away?

• But being dependent, as mentioned earlier, makes you a burden and everyone just wishes you would just go away already.

• Mentally disabled people are only ever seen as jokes. You could be a child inexperienced with life or attracted to things for children because you're literally a growing child, but your family will bully you for being [r word]. So, yeah, liking My Little Pony and Sonic the Hedgehog as a teen is funny, but so is liking anything aimed at teenagers.

• You will watch everyone else live real lives, and the closest thing you get to a real life is daydreaming about it.

• Everyone else can be clean and comfortable, but you taking a shower is funny. You wanting fun fashion is funny, you're supposed to know your place wearing hand me downs and bargain tees while smelling like week old body odor. Trying to be clean is funny.

• However, being stinky is a problem and everyone in your family wants you gone. They assume a disorder is why you smell bad, and not the fact they literally bullied you into not showering, and trying to hide your period as much as possible. All this while you feel grubby and itchy, and you just need to deal with it because having soap bought for you is just too funny that your parents never buy it.

• Everyone assumes the mentally disabled are extremely spoiled, and every single issue you have is a petty little non issue. The same people ridiculing you for smelling bad are the same people calling you spoiled for complaining about being unable to shower. You're lazy and selfish for not using deodorant, but you're spoiled and entitled for asking for it and never getting any.

• Everyone in your life assumes your stunted growth is only because of a disorder, and you'll end up in a group home if you're not profitable. In the home, you'll never be comfortable, as all the staff only want to look at their phones.

• You will smell way worse than you did before, especially after all the accidents you've had being unable to use a toilet at home. And wanting to use the toilet makes you spoiled and entitled. You're gross for soiling yourself, and spoiled for not wanting to soil yourself. You're gross for showering with water or not at all and spoiled for asking for soap. You are always the problem.

• The staff ridicule and bully you just like your family did, if not worse. You will never experience real love or the happiness you had when you were three. Oh, right, you'll most likely be fixated on children's media you enjoyed when your life peaked in preschool, which everyone in your life will continue to bully you for.

• You most likely could have grown, worked, and been independent, but were never given the chance. And for those who actually couldn't, they live a life worse than purgatory until they die.

If these people can't just live real lives then they deserve actually therapeutic happy lives, full stop. What is the point of living a life where you literally only eat prison food and sleep while watching Cocomelon? Literally, a life where the staff give you drugs to make you sleep and that's your life. Eating gross food like mashed potatoes that had to be sliced with a fork and knife and meatloaf that smelled like dog vomit and had to be eaten with a spoon, and sleeping. I've seen this shit first hand, where decently bright happy children are brutally abused into becoming living corpses whose minds were murdered when they were babies.

There's no excuse for why this is allowed.

I hate telling people I chose my name as they don't see me as just my name but someone who "prefers" to be called my name. It's either that or them assuming my parents chose my name, which they did not. My parents chose a fake ooga booga mockery of an "African" name that was so bad it could have worked as a racial or ethnic slur. I hated that crap. I avoided making friends to just not be called that shit. I've picked fights with well-meaning people for calling that shit "pretty". I'd rather die than be called that shit. I ditched all my high school and college friends including some I was very close to because I knew they would continue to call me that shit. When I had jobs before the name change, I never stayed in touch with any friends I made there either.

I felt like a lot of weight was removed from my shoulders when I finally changed my name to an actual real normal common human name. I no longer felt like I was stuck in someone else's body with no way out so I can live as me. I finally got to just be me. However, living with family who knew I hated that ugly birth name my whole life is just a life not worth living. They still call me that ugly shit and find it funny that I still hate it today. It's funny when my name or a fake name is on a package. I'm only supposed to be that ugly shit. They claim to love me but they'll never just call me my name which literally saved me from attempting suicide.

At this point we should have euthanasia as an option for children who hate their names, so their families and anyone they knew wouldn't need to call them anything else.