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The only funny thing is Colin jost and Michael Che. All the acting is staged and not improv lie it used to be. And who is the host. Where did he come from? I’ve never heard of these musical acts either.

298
[-] barkybeak@lemmy.zip 9 points 3 days ago

What is your best illegal lifehack?

135
57
[-] barkybeak@lemmy.zip 43 points 5 days ago

I know they are paywalled but they give so much information.

I had a contractor that took my money and ran. I used one of those reverse lookup sites with just his name and phone number and I got his address as well as his relatives.

He did not like the fact I had a deputy serve him his court appearance or the time when I called his mother to confirm his data before the court date.

Long story short, I won the case. He claimed no assets so I will never get paid back.

[-] barkybeak@lemmy.zip 48 points 6 days ago

I interviewed a drug dealer that has been in the field for over 25 years. He looks just a regular guy. Nice house. Two kids. A wife who works. You would have no idea this neighbor was a dealer.

He and I wrote a book together.

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submitted 1 week ago by barkybeak@lemmy.zip to c/aww@lemmy.world
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[-] barkybeak@lemmy.zip 49 points 1 week ago

I had $0.14 in my checking and $0.07 in my savings and my mortgage was three months behind and I didn’t have a job and I didn’t have anybody I could turn to for money. I realized how much I had and how I wasted it all. And knowing that climb to get back was going to be hard.

[-] barkybeak@lemmy.zip 49 points 1 week ago

Walmart loss prevention are terrible. They are willing to die so Walmart doesn’t lose $35 worth of food.

I saw a police cam video of a woman who accidentally didn’t scan a $10 item. No big deal. I have been guilty of that myself. You get reminded to scan the item.

These L&P people called the cops and then the cops called for back up. They stopped the woman before she left and had her arrested.

No prior offenses. She had a baby with her (less than a year old). Just someone who made a simple mistake and would easily be fixed with simple conversation.

But Walmart L&P was not having it. Telling the cops to charge her to the furthest extent

Even the cops were like “Hey she didn’t do this maliciously. She has not left the store. She can still pay for the item. “

Walmart L&P told the cops to “teach her a lesson”

The cops were “nice enough” to wait until the baby’s father arrived to take the baby but the woman got arrested for not ringing up a $10 item

The L&P had these smug looks as if they took down some Batman villain. Giving each other high fives when this woman was put in cuffs.

[-] barkybeak@lemmy.zip 55 points 1 week ago

My boss, her boss, her boss’s boss, the big boss (who reports to the CEO) and I are on a meeting last week.

At the beginning of the meeting there were some pleasantries being shared. The big boss shared her kid was going to be featured in some large chess tournament

My boss replies “that’s great. What kind of chess does he play?”

I was shocked because there is only one type of chess just like there is only one type of checkers. Yes I know there is 4-d chess, Star Trek chess, and chess game variants. But typically there is only one type of chess.

The big boss answers “You know chess. He is a grand master.”

My boss replies “Grand master. Does that mean he is a performing magician?”

I sat there looking at my screen in shock. My boss had not idea what grand masters are.

The big boss had to explain the chess grand masters to her.

[-] barkybeak@lemmy.zip 33 points 2 weeks ago

I have a sweet gum tree and it produces these gumballs everywhere. They are prickly and get caught everywhere. I would gladly pay $50 to get rid of them all.

This also reminds me of those posts on Facebook where some dude posts “need money quickly. Lost my job. Willing to do anything. Manual labor included”

Then I contact them and offer $250 to do some lawn work. “Appreciate it, but I prefer to work inside”

46

Sunny Some wind

[-] barkybeak@lemmy.zip 40 points 2 weeks ago

This gives me flashbacks to when I took over a small call center as there DBA.

Part of their data was in access, part of it was in notepad, and the rest was in a shoddy looking sql database.

It took me two years to get everything into a data warehouse.

But some of those queries. Oof

[-] barkybeak@lemmy.zip 36 points 2 weeks ago

Everyone when they listen to “Semi-Charmed Life”

[-] barkybeak@lemmy.zip 39 points 2 weeks ago

Oh man. This brings back so much trauma.

Holding the flashlight for your parents is one of the hardest things to do.

I have asked my son to hold a flashlight for me. I understand what my parents went through.

However when my buddy holds a flashlight, he does a good job.

9
32

My wife and I use cannabis because of health and mental practices.

We are getting bored with our current routine. We watch tv shows or movies, we listen to music, we engage in brain rot. Stuff like that.

What are your suggestions? We like calm vibes.

[-] barkybeak@lemmy.zip 53 points 3 weeks ago

No matter what, under no circumstances should you ever believe the company or place you work for will back you up.

If a company was placed in a situation where they can get rid of you for any reason, they will and they will do it as fast as possible.

Even if you believe you are irreplaceable, a company will spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to get you out of the equation.

Even if you have been with the company for 20+ years, if the company sees a way to save a hundred bucks by getting rid of you, they will.

Even if you and your boss and their bosses are buddy buddy and they are the godparent to your child and if you donated them a kidney, they will replace you.

Even if you show that you work the most, bring in the most sales, work the longest, get paid the least, and do work so everyone can slack off, they will replace you.

Also HR is never there for you. It is there to protect the company first and foremost. If you go to them for any reason, you are on a list to be the first to go.

51

I’ve been waiting two weeks for an Excel file I need for a mid-month report. The one person who can generate it is buried, so fair enough. It used to take him an hour. Now, with our carefully monitored AI “efficiency,” it takes about six days.

It finally arrives—fully merged and centered like it’s trying to win a design award. Undoing that one cell at a time is now my personality.

Meanwhile, I’m no longer allowed to use VBA, so I asked AI for an alternative. It suggested… VBA. I tried its version anyway. It converted everything into a table with hard-coded colors, so now adding a row requires manual painting. A bold step backward.

I would fix it properly, but the shade of blue must be exact or we trigger a departmental post-mortem on “lessons learned.” No one knows what the hex code means, but we respect it deeply.

At some point, I ask a coworker a question. He answers in 30 seconds, clearly, and wishes me a nice day. A glimpse of civilization.

Now my work is somewhere between my boss, her boss, and a VP who reports to the CEO. I’m waiting on feedback for something that used to take an hour and now takes a week.

Looking forward to next month.

196

You open a program for work… and suddenly it doesn’t work.

So you tell your supervisor.

They tell you to call the help desk.

You call the help desk… they can’t help.

They tell you to submit a ticket.

You go to submit a ticket… but first you have to create an account.

To create the account, you have to link your work ID.

To link your work ID, you need your phone for a code.

Then it makes you create a new password (not your usual one, obviously).

Then you have to verify your email.

You wait… finally get it… click the link…

…and it makes you log in again.

And grab your phone again. Another code.

Finally—you’re in.

Now you fill out the ticket, using that random username you were given on day one and told never to lose.

You submit it.

It says: “Pending supervisor approval.”

Your supervisor calls:

“Why did you submit this?”

So now you explain everything…

and walk them through it… step by step… because they don’t understand any of it.

They approve it.

You get an email:

“This will take up to 4 days.”

You need it done tomorrow.

So now you ask who to escalate to.

Your supervisor asks their boss.

Their boss asks someone else.

Eventually, a VP gets involved.

They tell you to contact a guy—Mr. Patel.

You call Mr. Patel.

He asks a million questions.

Eventually he realizes:

“This broke after a Windows update.”

So now he has to talk to his boss.

Meanwhile, your boss keeps asking:

“What’s taking so long?”

You explain… again.

You go to lunch.

Come back—Mr. Patel messaged you 5 minutes after you left:

“Call me.”

You call him. Voicemail.

He calls you back an hour later (because he was “in a meeting”).

He says:

“You need a new computer. That’ll take 5 days.”

Your boss’s boss is now on your case because only you can do this one task.

You ask if there’s another way.

“No.”

Now your supervisor tells their boss, who tells their boss…

and suddenly the VP calls you directly.

You explain everything again (for the 4th time).

He makes one phone call.

Suddenly—you have admin access.

You fix the issue in 5 minutes.

It’s now 6 PM.

You spent all day waiting, escalating, and explaining…

…and the thing you fixed?

Didn’t even matter—because the other team never showed up anyway.

63

You open a program for work… and suddenly it doesn’t work.

So you tell your supervisor.

They tell you to call the help desk.

You call the help desk… they can’t help.

They tell you to submit a ticket.

You go to submit a ticket… but first you have to create an account.

To create the account, you have to link your work ID.

To link your work ID, you need your phone for a code.

Then it makes you create a new password (not your usual one, obviously).

Then you have to verify your email.

You wait… finally get it… click the link…

…and it makes you log in again.

And grab your phone again. Another code.

Finally—you’re in.

Now you fill out the ticket, using that random username you were given on day one and told never to lose.

You submit it.

It says: “Pending supervisor approval.”

Your supervisor calls:

“Why did you submit this?”

So now you explain everything…

and walk them through it… step by step… because they don’t understand any of it.

They approve it.

You get an email:

“This will take up to 4 days.”

You need it done tomorrow.

So now you ask who to escalate to.

Your supervisor asks their boss.

Their boss asks someone else.

Eventually, a VP gets involved.

They tell you to contact a guy—Mr. Patel.

You call Mr. Patel.

He asks a million questions.

Eventually he realizes:

“This broke after a Windows update.”

So now he has to talk to his boss.

Meanwhile, your boss keeps asking:

“What’s taking so long?”

You explain… again.

You go to lunch.

Come back—Mr. Patel messaged you 5 minutes after you left:

“Call me.”

You call him. Voicemail.

He calls you back an hour later (because he was “in a meeting”).

He says:

“You need a new computer. That’ll take 5 days.”

Your boss’s boss is now on your case because only you can do this one task.

You ask if there’s another way.

“No.”

Now your supervisor tells their boss, who tells their boss…

and suddenly the VP calls you directly.

You explain everything again (for the 4th time).

He makes one phone call.

Suddenly—you have admin access.

You fix the issue in 5 minutes.

It’s now 6 PM.

You spent all day waiting, escalating, and explaining…

…and the thing you fixed?

Didn’t even matter—because the other team never showed up anyway.

![](https://lemmy.zip/pictrs/image/e8155aa3-fd43-44fd-9544-e9226295ccf7.avi

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barkybeak

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