[-] AmILikeYou@lemmy.zip 3 points 6 hours ago

Thanks, that is a helpful perspective. I kinda just assume that any time I look at anyone it will be seen as creepy, but as you say it's not like I'm staring or even making eye contact usually. Although I probably would sheepishly feel like I'd been caught doing something wrong if I did make eye contact with anyone.

[-] AmILikeYou@lemmy.zip 4 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago)

so... you're... pro-rape..?? and I thought I was fucked up.

reassuring to know that at least I'm not as far gone as that. So.. thanks!

[-] AmILikeYou@lemmy.zip 6 points 12 hours ago

Thanks for the link. I didn't relate to the framing of a "sex addition" or "porn addiction". But I did find it interesting to discuss "ogling" as a "habit", I guess analogous to tapping a pen or cracking your knuckles. In that framing it's something pointless and unproductive that you can decide not to do with some metal effort.

This part in particular stands out as relatable:

To be blunt (cause that’s just how I am), I quickly realized that my field of vision was breasts and butts. There was women everywhere . . . Moms, Daughters, Aunts, Sisters, and Friends everywhere, and all I saw were breasts and butts. The cool part was that I didn’t think I was ogling – it was just happening without any conscious awareness. It’s just where my eyes went with zero conscious awareness.

That's kind of exactly the passive ogling that I described in my post. I have made some mental effort to actively not look, but then I feel like my entire mind is concentrating on where my eyes are looking. I guess like any other habit it would take time to retrain my mind, and I'm open to that. It just seems kinda sad.

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submitted 13 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago) by AmILikeYou@lemmy.zip to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

I'm making this post on a throwaway anonymous account because I want to ask something about how my mind works that I'm deeply ashamed of, and I want to hear honest opinions of other people's perspective - probably mostly men but ofc anyone is welcome to answer. I'm obviously a man, in my late 20's.

It's about seeing attractive people in public. I'm talking about seeing girls but I guess it applies to anyone you're attracted to.

I know I'm not supposed to stare but I can't help it. Little glances when I think they're not looking, looking at their bum or chest or face or legs. I will change my walking route to innocently walk past them and steal another look. If they're nearby it's like they occupy my mind and I have to keep looking, and I keep thinking about them and picturing them nude and imagining putting my hands on them. Never interacting, never saying anything, never openly staring, but just internally in my head.

tbh it's not even just attractive girls, it's basically all girls. If any girl has walked past me in the street or the store or on a bus, I have almost certainly checked her out. When I'm driving my head will turn away from the road to look at a girl on the sidewalk as I pass. I went to the beach this weekend and I couldn't keep my eyes in front of me because of all of the girls in bikinis, and some of them undoubtedly noticed me looking.

It's like I'm constantly scoping out everyone in my vicinity at all times, and always looking at their boobs and bums semi-consciously, and I can't really stop. I know it's horrible and creepy, and it probably makes them uncomfortable, but I kind of let it happen anyway. And I can't even say why really.. it's not like I get pleasure from looking at them, or that I'm looking for someone who I could approach or anything. There's literally no reason for it. It's just this passive activity that my brain automatically does to all girls at all times. And.. I will pick a different route to walk along a more busy street just because I know there will be more girls to look at.

When a guy walks past I probably couldn't tell you what he was wearing, or his hairstyle, or what he looks like. I don't notice. But when a girl walks past I notice all the details of her appearance, her body shape, her boobs in particular, her hair and face. I'm kinda disgusted by this aspect of my mind.

Obviously I know people find other people attractive and check people out. But.. is it this constant for everyone? Are you unable to keep your eyes and mind away when someone attractive walks past? Does looking at others' bodies constantly occupy your mind when you're in public? Or am I just so starved that it's broken my brain? Is this internal obsession with girls' bodies just what it's like to be a straight guy.. or am I different??

AmILikeYou

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