How to actually train yourself to reconnect with emotions (slrpnk.net)

submitted 5 months ago by SolarBoy@slrpnk.net to c/cptsd@lemmy.ml

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So I was recently told to try a loving-kindness exercise, and found it very difficult to follow the instructions.

So basically they have you first sit comfortably, Then you try to remember a person or situation you felt warm being loved (or loving) And then you want to focus on the feeling that this gives you. And finally think of a person you want to share this feeling with.

But I'm already stuck in the second part. I can't really remember something good that happened to me that would actually cause a feeling.

I just don't really notice any change.

Did anybody find a way to actually feel anything by thinking back on something? Or in any other way?

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[-] Madzielle@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 5 months ago

Quite the contrary, it's not thinking back but thinking of the present The love I've been lucky enough to experience today is the only thing thats healed me.

I can't give my familial medical history without crying, but thinking about how I'm loved and safe today, keeps the panic attacks away

Maybe for this exercise, I would write about my music teacher, she saw my talent and was the only person encouraging me at that time. That's a kind of warmness I guess. And I could say I share that feeling by giving out compliments or encouragement to others I see in my daily life.

[-] SolarBoy@slrpnk.net 1 points 5 months ago

It's great that you have such a person in your life. I also have my partner and she has been so good to me. But when I think about her, I can't feel anything.

It's also very strange I can visualise the faces of people I know quite easily. Even if I have not seen them for many years.

But I can't visualise the face of my partner, at all. It almost seems like anything that has emotion attached to it is not accessible in my memory

[-] Flagstaff@programming.dev 2 points 5 months ago

Is your counselor aware of this? That sounds pretty major...

[-] SolarBoy@slrpnk.net 1 points 5 months ago

I don't really see a counselor or therapist at the moment. Not easy to find somebody

[-] Flagstaff@programming.dev 2 points 5 months ago

Understandable. I could be wrong, but all I mean is that something this severe sounds like it's beyond Lemmy's pay grade...

[-] rhk@piefed.social 1 points 3 months ago

This sounds like what is often part of emotional numbing in ptsd. People often think about it as part of a way to stay functioning and not be overwhelmed by negative feelings - but at the cost of feeling distanced from positive feelings, too. Does this match what you're experiencing?

[-] SolarBoy@slrpnk.net 2 points 3 months ago

Definitely matches my experience.
I don't really have any reaction to what people say, or when watching a movie for example.

I think my default strategy of dealing with feelings is suppressing them. Good or bad.
Even to the point that it happens automatically.

Not sure what to do about it though.
Meditation seems to help, but only if I do it very long and consistently.

Maybe also related, I don't really experience racing thoughts that people often describe when meditating. If I do it long enough I can occasionally notice something.

[-] rhk@piefed.social 2 points 3 months ago

The most direct way this changes is usually by some type of intentional "approach" (ie not avoidance) of the hardest to tolerate memories and feelings - which seems to let your brain realize they are actually tolerable (now, in a safe environment, etc - there may well have been a reason for avoiding them before). When people do this (often with a therapist) numbing tends to go down.

Not the only option or anything! But often the most direct one.

[-] SolarBoy@slrpnk.net 2 points 3 months ago

Sounds very much like what I should try to do. The only thing is that I don't seem to remember anything. Or at least nothing with an emotional load.

I can't really trigger any memory. Sometimes I notice I'm feeling overwhelmed when my partner would scold me. But it still doesn't make me remember anything, just feel very bad. And it's not really consistent. Some days I'm fine with it.

[-] rhk@piefed.social 2 points 2 months ago

Ah, yeah, that can be a challenge. It's something that comes up for sure, but it's hard to give a general answer to. If there are memories that must people would consider likely traumatic but they feel kind of numbed out too that's often something a good therapist can coach you through - but it's pretty individual.

Another option to consider is looking through some of the DBT handouts on recognizing and naming emotions, which have very concrete descriptions that include physical sensations etc - sometimes this can help if part is what's happening is you're feeling very cut off from emotions.

this post was submitted on 11 Dec 2025

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