Just talking about names and remembered that my dad has my dead name in armenian tattooed to his arm. How did this slip my mind for 6 months?
traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
Welcome to /c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns, an anti-capitalist meme community for transgender and gender diverse people.
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found another youtuber with video essays on degrassi, I know what I'm listening to at work ๐
my scorching hot take is degrassi next class is my favourite to watch. I wish it got more seasons :<
my favourite degrassi is if you're reading this it's too late
New roommate is a loud alcoholic with anger issues that plays loud music 24/7.... Death to landlords.
can i say something? (no bully)
i don't know. Can you?
ugh. don't pull that bull crap on me
you should say something :3
we will see how the votes shake out, little yor-tan
Go for it ๐
i will wait for more votes and get back to you :)
say it coward
thank you for your vote kind hexbearittor :) i will say it when i feel i've gained adequate permission
dysphoria
I just want to feel like a girl. I bought a really cute hat and gloves and wore them with a sweater I got a few weeks ago and I felt adorable and I loved it. But it's almost like the more comfortable I get with doing more and more fem things the more impatient I get, and the sadder I get that this is such a long process. And when I take the stuff off I get hit with this "oh shit yeah that's right I have a guy body." I don't want to have a guy body.
The days where I feel so happy to be trans are usually followed by evenings where I wish I was cis. Like a sugar crash but for gender feelings.
In related news I've realized I could never turn my back on being trans. At the beginning of this journey one of the only things giving me the confidence to keep going was the realization that I could always just not be trans if I found it wasn't for me. Fuuuuck that at this point it's clear that if I ever try to be cis again it would destroy me.
Tried a new blush color and placement and i love how it looks on me, getting cuter everyday
Instead of dreaming about hexbear the website, I now dream about specific people on bearsite. You're not allowed to know who, though.
I've done this before as well. It's strange.
Also is it me (Luna counts too)?
Was I doing something embarrassing? ๐ฅบ
The weirdest part is my subconscious cobbling together physical appearances for people based on what few descriptors of them I've got... but no I was getting bullied lmao
no I was getting bullied lmao
Social anxiety going brrrr
I've also dreamed of a few users once. I'm sure my subconscious construction was totally accurate
Now I'm deeply curious how I'm imagined by others, I just think of people as their pfps. My dreams would look more like drawn together style mismatch
Hope you look like your pfp. It's gorgeous
Please do imagine me this way
Nah I deserved it that time, my geographic knowledge in shambles lol. I do like the funny brain reproducing these people tbh.
I know only dweebs and losers use Goodreads now, but I was bitching to my better half about how Goodreads doesn't have seperate gender and pronoun settings.
So I went and checked myself, and sure enough Goodreads now has this. Its gender settings are "male", "female" and "Custom".
I now have a custom gender I didn't set any cool pronouns but I did enter my gender as something rude with "dyke" in it, which rules.
Hey how long did it take for you all to get used to a new name? Last time I did this was a decade ago so I forgot, and I'm starting to worry.
It took me like 6 months to get used to thinking of myself as *** after my egg cracked. Pronouns too actually.
I'm still not 100% used to other people actually calling me *** now at 4 years in. But that might be because of how I still have some spaces where I'm closeted and so still hear my deadname frequently.
I did feel a pretty immediate euphoria when first calling myself *** though.
I got used to my name pretty quickly, although it's pretty similar to my dead name. I'm not quite sure it's the name I want to keep, even though I'm used to it. It would also probably take time to get used to another new name, change is hard.
cw: slurs in silly gaming moments
transphobes don't get to call me a tr*nny if they can't even clutch the game winning round
Any recs on where to shop for chokers? I want to get a new one for the outfit that I am wearing to a metal show. I have two that I bought from Amazon, but one of the requires an extender so I don't think it looks great, and the other has spikes which I think is kinda inappropriate because I don't want to mosh and I definitely don't want to look like a pit ninja. Looking on Amazon, everything seems to cap at a neck width of 16", while I have a neck width of 17" flat.
EDIT: Also, are pants chains in or out? I always thought they looked kinda dorky, but idk.
Well, got home. For some reason, I thought that starting HRT would be a bit tougher. Like almost everyone, there's still a nugget of self doubt, that what I'm feeling isn't dysphoria but something else. Funnily enough, had a big trans-affirming moment earlier this week. Was looking for socks in the Men's section in Target, and was struck by this utter malaise and despair. Could literally be nothing other than dysphoria. I don't want to have to feel like that anymore.
Anyways, got home, opened the door, unpacked my backpack, fed the cats. Took out the prescription, took out my pills. I thought that it would be appropo to hold them for a second, to meditate on the ramifications. But then I went fuck that. I popped those suckers down in a second. The world might end tomorrow, or the next day or the next, but if I'm going to die then I am going to die as a woman. And if not, then I am going to live as one.
Talking too much about smut I only kinda liked: Human Domestication Guide
Alright, been meaning to type this for a while. Saw Ash talk about (check pronoun) readings and reminded me I read this due to (check pronouns)'s recommendation and then forgot to talk about it. Anyways
I like the idea of being taken care of the dxtremley caring plant creatures, but I just get caught up on the cultural imperialism of the forced pet dynamic. I think part of it is me being into like dog or cat girl thing more as an identity than as a kink. I dislike the cultural imperialism a lot. I get its just smut, and smut isn't necisarily realistic, but this is MY post so I get to decide what smut is good or bad enjoyment rise.
But yeah, I enjoy the vibes of being forced to be nice to myself and either being forced to take care of myself, or have a big plant lady take care of me, but the hypnosis and ownership aspects just give me bad vibes personally. Like I remember in the original glitchyrobo writing of the main character writing a document recognizing and signing a thing saying that (she?) has no rights in the Affini Compact. Like that and the ownership shit just made me stop enjoying it. Again, I get its just smut, but I am unable to just turn my brain off and ignore it.
I think I need to find smut, or really just writing in general, that has cozy vibes and maybe a Dom forcing me to take care of myself and be nice to myself. That would be cool. :flush:
That is to say.... If you have any recommendations.... I would love to hear them :flush:
oh shit
Why does everyone remember my cursed smut posting hhhhhhhhgh....
I'm not surprised to hear that some of the setting, and CnC aspects, and the forced pet elements of HDG were unpleasant for you, my apologies. I wasn't really thinking about it in that respect when I read Wellness Check, sheesh a year ago now... I assume that's probably the one you read so uh, again sorry, my bad. I kind of feel the same upon reflection, every other HDG story I tried to poke into I found was a bit much in some of the same respects...
I'd be interested in any recs you get because I'd like to fluff out my smut library, Idk where or how anyone is meant to find this stuff. Does make me wonder if there are HDGs that take catgirl/doggirl into account as more than kink, or just fiction generally? Would be rad?
::: spoiler Title Yeah, I read wellness check and then the original hdg thing.
It seems like every story has the actual pet aspect, as that seems to be the ghoice of the original author so everything is just built on it.
Like I read the rules for a story, and it seems like the og author wants it to be a setting of pet ownership and hypnosis. Doesn't really seem like there are any cutouts for people without the same exact kinks as the author. Which I like get why the author would want it written a certain way IG they created it, but dammit I want the plant people to not be imperialists!
Sorry if I'm just repeating the same shit over and over again, I do that a lot and its hard to manage it.
Anyways, yeah there isn't really any stories that don't have the forced pet shit. Unfortunate because I would love a setting where it was all species being equal.
As for other Smit, I ahvent found much. Only have like the past 6 months of me trying yo find good smut, and there is just so much shit that even with the tags that scratch my brain right will just have theming that puts me off.
I also lost my bookmarks because I forgot my ff password so I lost about half of my smut, so i need to dig out a laptop i habe Form 2 months ago to See if any oft my favorites are in it.
But for ones i do habe that i think are atleast okay,
i have "catgirl hipnotises you." Does what it says on the tin, catgirl hypnotises you and you turn into a cstgirl from it. Its alright, but not great https://readonlymind.com/@elizzyviolet/CatgirlHypnotizesYou/
I have "A little friendly competition," which is hypnotizing 2 straight girls into lesbians which is alright https://readonlymind.com/@HypnoBunny/ALittleFriendlyCompetition/
And now that I'm looking at my list... that's kinda it for ones I find at least a 6/10. A lot of stories will have some identity of someone as a dog/catgirl, then will fumble it in my mind of having it be purely kink or have some ownership aspect. A lot of stories also love including LOTS of fluids, and I've realized that fluids which just kind gross me out I'm realizing. Like I'm fine with a bit of fluids just existing, but the stories will be describing in detail the fluids and textures of it and I'll just be sitting here thinking how I'd rather do anything else than imagine awful textures in or on me. Like stories will have tags which do an alright job filtering stuff, but there is a wide berth of what the "dog( )girl" categories will have regarding it being identity or petplay. And then there is just nothing regarding whether there is a heavy emphasis on fluids.
I wonder if I just need to look for non-smut stories, because so many smut stories will have such wildly different ways I dislike them. Maybe that could help with regards to getting identity related dog/catgirl stuff and less petplay.
::
Edit- also I'm realizing me seeing your comment talking about wellness check was like 2 accounts ago for me, and the time still just feels like a couple months ago. Wild
spoiler
but dammit I want the plant people to not be imperialists!
On some level it did make me chuckle, literal fully automated luxury gay space communist plant creatures clearly being what humanity needs to break free the shackles of capitalism. The author's work, I guess... No need to apologise though, I happen to pretty much agree. Unsurprisingly I've had mixed responses to throwing HDG at people, lol.
I forgot my ff password so I lost about half of my smut,
Goddamn, my condolences I will poke your two links sometime, but it doesn't surprise me that smut usually has a kink focus in this respect, which kinda sucks. Guess it'll end up being one of those "write what you want to see" things...
fluids
Thank fuck someone agrees, yeah uh wow I've never related so hard. A textural issue... Now realising that this is probably a large share of why I kind of hate that too. Type of thing that should be tagged honestly.
If you post about non-smut adventures in fiction I will probably wanna read that too, if you find any good non-smut stories I'd be interested. Sounds like a good idea :)
Also I had no idea you were changing accounts, but I went and checked, last time I rec'd HDG was almost a year ago, last time I mentioned it at all was six months ago lmao
Should clarify I meant to type wild and it corrected to W as if I was very exited about switching accounts for some reason. I switched accounts purely because I got bored of the usernames, and Lemmy still hasn't added any means to change username to my knowledge.
There's shittin time and then there's quittin time and right now I'm all out of shits to give