this post was submitted on 15 Nov 2023
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My English father and grandmother just said, "do you want tea?" Can someone tell me the translation of that?
It often translates as "do you have time to stay and chat, or do you have stuff to get on with?". It's an invitation to relax together, without the implicit social demand.
English social etiquette is a minefield, even for the English.
What should one do when the visiting Brit wants coffee? Do they need medical attention?
It's generally a sign that they are in a very bad place, mentally. It's a bit like an Aussie who doesn't swear, or a rude Canadian. It's just wrong.
As for what to do? Obviously make them a nice cup of tea, to calm down. Use force if necessary.
With my Nan, this means that she's just finished a cup but she'll happily put the kettle back on if you'd like one, but she's not going to just start making tea because she's alright for now, but if are having one she'll join you for another.
If it had been more than 1 hour since her last cuppa she'd just say "I'm putting the kettle on" and that was that, everyone in the house without their milk teeth was getting a cup of tea shoved in their hands once the kettle had boiled.
Something I've wanted to ask a Real Brit™ for a while now, since I'm trying to slowly transition from coffee to tea on the days I'm working from home:
For the standard, basic tea you're drinking all day, can you give me the specifics of what you use and how it's prepared?
I'm assuming the kettle is just for the water and you're not actually brewing a kettle full of tea? What kind is standard quality? Is it Earl Gray, English Breakfast, or is it just plain old "tea"? Bags? Loose leaf with an infuser?
And do most drink it plain? With sugar? Milk? Honey?
And are folks generally just constantly drinking it throughout the entire day?
For coffee, I'll drink 1 or 2 cups, guaranteed minimum, fairly quickly every morning (both down by 930 or 10) and then the next cup after 10 I'll usually nurse through the afternoon until maybe 1 or 130, then that's it for coffee...but it seems like tea in the UK is just all day, every day.
Some people will definitely do the all day every day thing but a lot of us just play it up for the internet really. I have a cuppa when I get up, and that's usually it. Although admittedly my "cup" is a big Green Bay Packers travel mug that keeps it warm for hours, so probably counts as at least two regular cups.
On days like today when I'm a bit under the weather I'll have a second one to get me through, and then me and the husband have developed a definitely unhealthy habit of late-night tea and Hobnobs although I go with a normal size cup for that one!
Older people especially seem to drink a lot out of sheer boredom. Also office workers, same reason.
Kettle is just for the water, most people use teabags. Loose leaf is "fancy". I believe english breakfast is the kind that I would just think of as "normal tea" but not 100% sure on that one, it's just tea! 😅
Milk is very common to the point of being default, sugar is more of an individual question. I often drink mine black with honey at home but just go with the default milk when out and about.
I hope this boringly factual tale of life in Tea Country was everything you hoped it would be.
Yes! It was great, thank you!
Boil kettle > put 'regular' tea eg PG Tips in ceramic mugs adorned with greeting-card-grade pro-tea sentiment > pour > stir with vigour > squeeze bags between two tea spoons for added strength > place bags in the spent bag vessel > milk to order > sugar? > one lump (spoonful) or two? > final stir and deliver.
Remember to use the spoon to scoop and stir so yellow clumps of congealed sugar begin to appear in the bag and a permanent residual rime forms about the tip of the spoon.
Assuming "PG Tips" is a brand of tea?
Excellent, to the point guide, thank you!
Don't squeeze your teabags. You'll release tannins into the tea making it bitter.
Also separate spoons for stirring and sugar retrieval. The cross contamination in that house must be off the charts.
Yeah, just standard 'char' or whatever generic tea is called.
You're taking the piss, right? Squeezing the bags makes the tea bitter, by releasing tannins into the tea. You steep, pull and allow to drip. For stronger taste steep longer. I'm a dumb American and even I know that
Seems to hit home for me. Then again we like a bit of bitter over here, usually in pint form but tea works. Also Marmite.
Bitter tea is part of the British tea experience. If you want tea served perfectly and properly with respect to the leaves and bringing out their best flavours, you want to drink tea the way they do in East Asia, not Britain.
Gotcha. I'm clearly more prone to the East Asian cuppa.
Disgustingly accurate
So full disclaimer, I'm not a Real Brit™, my mum and her mam (as well as my partner) are from all across the Midlands and my dad's family is from Dundee, but I was born and raised in Australia.
I am an excessive tea drinker even by British standards, and I work with fellow tea addicts. 8 cups a day is a normal day for me (but that's because I used to have a smoke with my cuppa, I gave up the cancer darts but not the tea) I don't really drink water unless I'm at the gym.
The "kettle" we refer to is almost always an electric kettle. You should only ever boil water in them as other liquids can damage the base plates. It takes 1-2 minutes to boil depending on how much water you put in, while it's boiling you get your mug and tea ready. If it's just me having a tea, I'll only fill the kettle to the minimum level. Just enough for one cup.
Your every day standard cup is going to be made with an affordable plain "black tea" tea bag. Something like Typhoo, PG tips, Twinnings (these are the brands I'm familiar with in Australia. We have also have Bushells which is a decent daily cuppa, I think Lipton would be the most accessible outside the UK).
Earl Grey is popular, but wouldn't be considered "a standard cup of tea". (I picture it a bit like coke and Pepsi, it's kind of the same, but if someone orders a coke it's polite to ask "is Pepsi okay?", same with tea, if someone asks for a cup of tea you'd say "earl grey okay?")
"English breakfast" would be the most standard named blend, but in Australia some of our brands just say "black tea bags" and that's it.
If you're planning on drinking more than a cup a day, get a few different blends, it's worth it. Right now in my cupboard I have English Breakfast, Russian Caravan, Earl Grey, and Billy Tea Camp-fire blend (which is an Australian brand but still something we'd consider "standard black", but with a hint of smokiness). I'll usually drink at least two different "flavours" a day, and I also have herbal teas.
Some people get fancy and will have a jar of loose leaf as their daily tea, but it's unlikely they'll use a tea pot, they'll probably use an
directly in their cup, or a 
, that way, as the kettle is boiling they add the loose leaf to their apparatus of choice, and you make exactly one serving. A tea pot is mostly for entertaining, not a quick cuppa.
Sugar, milk and honey is all completely up to personal preference. My nan would consider black-tea with one teaspoon of sugar and a "dash" of milk to be a "standard brew", but that's why you might hear tea drinkers say "I'll have a tea, white with one" or "black with none". It's always good to specify. Again, experiment with sugar, milk and honey. The only thing you'll be judged on is if you ask for more than 3 sugars (delicious, but how can you taste the tea with so much sugar?)
I make my tea with plant based milk and saccharine tablets, so I'm kind of a tea heathen in that regard.
My 8 cups a day is crazy, I think 3 cups is more typical - one with breakfast, one at morning tea and one at afternoon tea, or perhaps a tea after pudding/dessert.
My 8 cups won't all be black tea, I'll have a chamomile, or peppermint tea to keep the caffeine levels within reason. Those types of tea are normally served without milk, often without sugar, but maybe a small spoon if you have a sweet tooth (honey is popular in herbal teas), again, I'm a bit of a whack job with my milk, so I put oat milk in my chamomile and in my green tea. (though not in peppermint tea. I also have an Auslan Strawberry Gum tea that absolutely does not work with milk, it's too acidic)
Tea can be very astringent (makes your tongue feel dry and tight) and this is often why people will prefer one blend over another, or add milk and sugar.
The astringency is impacted by how long you steep the tea. "leaving the bag in" without asking when serving tea to someone is considered a bit of a faux pas, but because it can result in a stronger, bolder, and more astringent tea, if you like that, you can ask your host to leave the bag in.
This is the what my experience with British -Australian tea culture has been.
The British "stole" tea culture from East Asia and India and made it their own, so other than boiling water in a microwave (please stop doing that America, I know you have the wrong voltage for electric kettles, but putting plain water in the microwave is kinda dangerous) I say tea should be made the way you like it.
TL:DR Boil plain water in an electric kettle. Pour into a cup with an "English Breakfast" tea bag, let it steep for 1-2 minutes. Remove, squeeze and discard bag (unless your guest has asked to leave it in) Add milk and sugar to your personal preferences. Repeat 3 times a day. Experiment with other blends like Earl Grey, Irish Breakfast, Ceylon, Yorkshire Tea, etc and make it your own.
They weren't that insistent, but they were definitely taken aback when you said you didn't want tea.
Probably means food. The evening meal.
And yet all I ever got was tea. At any time of day.
Feels like it's the "family" answer. Basically the first one, the "guest" answer, but more relaxed because you're closer.