These new Elf on the Shelf models just aren’t doing it for me.

“He had neither companions nor friends, church nor creed. He lived his spiritual life without any communion with others, visiting his relatives at Christmas and escorting them to the cemetery when they died. He performed these two social duties for old dignity's sake but conceded nothing further to the conventions which regulate the civic life.” ― James Joyce, Dubliners, A Painful Case

"No one wanted him; he was outcast from life's feast."