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All the time. There are things many people do which cause me (and others) physical pain because of a medical condition. They don't mean to cause me harm, but because they have a mental model of everyone sharing similar abilities as themselves, it simply doesn't occur to them that the one small thing they're doing has negative consequences for others. It's a monkeysphere thing, it's nobody's fault.
I get past it by remembering that I am also incapable of remembering everyone's needs at all times. I'm sure there are many things I have done which seemed completely mundane at the time, but affected someone else negatively. No matter how hard I tried.
The people who still do things like casually block the entire sidewalk with a heavy rental e-bike still pisses me off. But, not for as long as it used to. And if it's something I can fix for someone else who can't, I'll try to do that too.
I also try hard to ensure I actively remember other people's needs where I can. If I can create less suffering, I think that's a good thing to try for.
What do people do that causes you pain?
To be brief, I have a painful condition where I injure myself by standing or walking for too long. If I overdo it I can be (and have been, many times) confined to bed for days.
It isn't something you would ever really think about if you weren't in my position, but society really assumes you can stand for as long as you need to. Seating is a "convenience" for 90% of people, not a necessity.
Public spaces will frequently only a couple of seats, which will already be taken by others like me. An invite to a random bar by a friend can be a huge problem, queueing is even more hellish than for most people, kitchens are built with the assumption you will be standing to cook... limited standing ability has much wider reaching consequences than you would ever think.
Anytime someone sits in a seat just for convenience instead of need is painful, because there are usually very few. Anytime someone holds an event and does not organise for seating means I have to leave. Others plan routes around cost and walking time, I do it by seating opportunities. Even something tiny like parents letting their bored kids climb and play all over the only bench in an art gallery means I will be in more pain, because the gallery designers assume you stand to view the works.
I don't get out much. One of the worst parts is that you can't prevent your mind from linking physical pain to all activity. When peak covid hit and shops and parks etc. barred off seating areas to "prevent people from congregating", that was not a good time for me.
Sorry, didn't mean to unload, that just sort of spilled out. It looks like I have some self-care to do.
Can you use any tools to give you relieve? The most basic one would be a walking stick for support (if your arms work well). A foldable walker you can also sit on works even better, but might be too much of a hassle.
Or you take it really far and see if something like that is commercially available by now: https://futurism.com/the-chairless-chair-allows-you-to-sit-anywhere
Walking stick I have used for a long time, but it creates asymmetry if you aren't thorough enough about swapping sides with long-term use. Been there, done that. I still use them in airports or other places where i know I'm going to have a really bad time. But truth be told, I hate them. Losing the use of a hand is really really irritating. And then when starts raining and you use an umbrella, you lose use of both hands. Infuriating.
Walkers are probably ok, but I can actually walk very quickly most of the time if I'm being careful with my standing time budget, and the extra bulk makes it harder to carry more stuff. Which is frequently the reason I'm out of the house, picking up shopping etc. So a portable seat would be a win, but not without cost, so probably a draw overall.
I have considered a chairless chair, and it's spin-offs. But I have a suspicion that the weight distribution required for 'sitting' might create more problems than it solves in my specific case, and I can't just borrow one to test that theory. The thought of how people will react is exhausting too.
I was going to buy a collapsible telescopic stool, and I may still do so, but it can only address part of the overall problem. For example, if you're at a social event and everyone else is standing... you end up just being stuck there at crotch-height. Very awkward.
The best solution is the social contract. Everyone benefits from having more seating options available of various heights and configurations in public places. Notice how often at a gathering people eventually end up sitting to chat, because standing for a long time is no fun for anyone!
I'm totally able bodied but a tad out of shape. I recently went to Seattle and the hostile architecture there is insane. There are essentially zero benches. Even in a coffee shop there was only one table that had to be reserved ahead of time. I really can't even begin to imagine how hard it would be for folks with chronic pain and other problems. One of our friends on the trip has bad knees and despite wearing braces everywhere was in constant pain.
It's like society views homeless folks as a cancer and deploys hostile design as an immune response to try and get rid of them rather than trying to help them.
But even apart from that you make some good points I hadn't even considered like kitchens. I think a lot of folks are somewhat aware of stuff like check out aisles being pointless standing but I hadn't even considered cooking.
Sounds like I'm not going to Seattle then! Thanks for the warning on that, i would have assumed Seattle had a big cafe-sitting culture. Did Frasier lie to me about that too?
Yep. GDP ROI or GTFO. Disability rates for those below the poverty line are huge and it's ignored. Businesses would usually rather choose a different candidate than change anything about their set-up, so people can't afford to eat properly or get their meds or alter their spaces for their needs... and then their condition deteriorates further and they end up even more undesirable to employers. It's a vicious cycle.
To be fair to Seattle, we specifically got a place right in the middle of a lot of the big touristy stuff and walked everywhere. So maybe other parts of the city have more benches. Either way it was extremely hilly and windy. I kept calling it the windy city and the hilly city. But yeah, maybe not the best.